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I sat there looking at the phone on my desk in an empty office at work, trying to work up the courage to make the call. ☎️😬
I’d pick up the receiver, start punching in numbers, then hang up.
Eventually I called. Asked the receptionist for who I was looking for, praying she wouldn’t answer and I could just leave a message or perhaps even hang up and slink away.
No such luck.
“Hi, Mary, what can I do for you?”
I went into a total word vomit confession of how sorry I was to have to say this, and I’d prayed about it…blah, blah, blah…
And
And, and…
"I think I’m going to have to quit volunteering in kids’ ministry."
I was in a full sweat, holding my breath, and my (now) dear friend, Carrie, said something like:
“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I ask why?”
Hmm. I was so not expecting that question. 😳😦
More words poured out of my mouth but the crux of the situation:
I was working in a kids’ class and had been given the opportunity to do a little lesson for the offering and then we’d take the kids’ offering and that was it.
I was excited. I’d always wanted to teach. I felt led to be there. My husband was already volunteering in the class and was frankly like a rockstar to the kinder and first-grade congregants.
Serving together was one of my dreams.
I doubt I said all that, but what I know I did say was that I was terrible at this and the class would truly be better off without me.
“Can I ask why?”
Dang it. Okay…
“I went up to do the offering lesson and the kids were all quiet and listening and in the two minutes I was up there the entire class turned into chaos. Kids talking and getting up from their seats and wandering around and the rest of the night was a disaster–the entire teaching team had to work and work and we really never quite recovered from my two minute offering lesson.”
So there!
“I think I know what happened, and that is hard, but would you be willing to try one thing first? We prayerfully chose you and Brent to be the teachers in that class and you have authority there. When I walk into a class I know that I’m meant to be there and have that authority, and so I expect the kids to listen to me. When you go in next week, could you try to go in, take the microphone and expect them to listen?”
Wait, what? That’s your advice?!?
She gave me some more tips, and somehow I agreed to go back, fully expecting it NOT to work, and to be able to go back and say, “See! Now I fully quit!”
But–
I did what she said. I walked up to the mic the next time, looked at my audience of 40 or so 5- and 6-year olds and said…something. But I did it exactly as I’d been told–expecting them to listen. Looking for their attention.
It worked. 😳🤯
For the second week in a row, I walked off the little stage, stunned–but this time for a completely different reason.
Expectation matters.
The Bible says that “faith is the substance of things HOPED for.”
And hope is essentially an image we hold in our mind.
An expectation.
A picture of what could be.
Hope is what we see in the positive.
When it’s a negative image it’s the same mechanism but looks more like dread–and I say that not to pick on anyone, but I think many of us are more attuned to worrying thoughts than we are to those of hope.
In fact, I find those thoughts of failure and defeat tend to slip in
unannounced and
undesired and too often they go
unnoticed.
I say, not anymore! 🚫👎🏻🙅🏻♀️
The beautiful thing about that is we get to choose.
That night changed my life.
I learned the power of expectation.
I wanted to say that BOTH nights my expectation shaped my experience.
But that’s not exactly true.
I went in the first time just assuming I’d know what I was doing, that my desire to be there and my lifetime as an eager student would make me know what to do as a teacher, too.
After this particular disaster, I figured some people just “had it” and others just “didn’t” and I was in the second group.
But, because I had a leader who understood the power of expectation and refused to let me quit, I stuck with what I’d felt led to do in the first place.
For thirty-something years, week in and week out, my husband and I had a blast teaching kids and leading volunteer teams.
And to think:
one bad night, one tough first try, almost got to become permanent evidence about who I was and what I was capable of!
That conclusion being interrupted changed the trajectory of my life.
No wonder I’m so big on being certain of who we are in Christ, and who we just are so we can live from that.
And a big part of living from that is paying attention to what we’re rehearsing in our own minds.
I give a LOT of thought to my…thoughts.
I, on purpose, say things to myself like:
What I do works.
The Lord leads me and guides me in the way I should go.
And sometimes I catch myself backing off in my mind–picturing things NOT working out, NOT coming through, letting hope be that weakened version we hear all the time…
Cue a wimpy voice saying:
Well, I hope so.
That’s not Bible hope.
Bible hope says things like, “What I do works” and does so with confidence because there’s scripture to back that up. (Psalm 1:3, 2 Cor. 2:14, Joshua 1:8, 1 John 5:4 as examples)
And then Bible hope pictures it working.
What would that look like?
What’s the best that could happen?
God is able to do exceeding and abundantly ABOVE all we can ask or THINK, according to the power that is working in us.
So–God is able. I don’t think any Christian would argue that point.
He is able to DO EXCEEDINGLY AND ABUNDANTLY ABOVE.
Again. Yes. So much yes!
Years back, I read this verse and saw in my mind where in certain areas of my life I was taking an
“I guess I’ll just do this and see what happens” approach.
That scripture challenged me to step up to the plate and think bigger. To prayerfully use my imagination as to what is possible.
Because:
My God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all that I can ask or think.
So, I’ll say it again:
What I do works. The Lord leads me and guides me in the way I should go.
In fact, my prayer is that even these 💌mary-muses will “hit.” That they will find their way to the right person. That the Lord will lead me in what to say.
In fact, I expect it to. 😊🙌🏻❤️
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