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“Wow, Mare. You’ve really changed.”
That might not initially be the thing you want to hear from your husband. That could read accusatory, hurt, or concerned, but dare I say, he actually sounded…impressed? 🤔
It could have been referring to a few things happening in that moment.
I was in Phoenix. 🥵
Mid-August and LATER that trip I sat in a hot car after visiting an INDOOR aquarium and thought to myself, I know there will come a time where I will no longer feel so flipping hot, but I can’t FEEL it. It feels like I will never, ever cool off. 🥵🥵🥵😓😓😅😅😱
So–there I was at 6 a.m and walking around my son’s block because that’s just what I do now.
Even in Phoenix heat.
That IS a change.
But that wasn’t what he was talking about. I was telling him about a conversation I was set to have later that day to talk about a business opportunity. We were discussing how I’d approach it, what I thought, how I truly hope I can serve in this situation…
And here’s what merited his comment:
I wasn’t freaking out.
And frankly–no shade thrown toward me (or anyone)
who is doing the brave thing while simultaneously freaking out and trying not to.
I was AWARE of what I was going to say, what the potential client might want, and even some pitfalls that could come up…but I just wouldn’t go there in my mind.
THAT’S not my part.
I should probably back up a bit.
My business is a result of decades of work, really:
- Trainings I’ve developed along the way.
- Curriculum I’ve written.
- Resources I’ve fallen in love with and utilized.
And faith I’ve integrated into all of it because I believe faith is required for true transformation.
That’s a nice, neat little list up there, but the LIVING of it is a little bit more messy than that! 🤦🏻♀️😳
It has looked more like this:
- Feeling desperate to serve and to be used by God.
- Hungering to give back to Him, but feeling certain I had nothing to offer.
And for the most part the process all along the way looked the same:
🙏🏻📖 Seek God.
🧭🗺️ Feel led in a certain direction
(and by that–I don’t mean some profoundly spiritual experience.
For me, it’s usually something more like, “It would be really cool to _____.”)
🤷🏻♀️😩 Question and whine.
(“I caaan’t. Nobody wants this. It’s too hard. It probably won’t work.”)
And then, EITHER:
👍🏻🙋🏻♀️ Submit and obey.
(Whatever that might look like.)
OR
😳🫥 Shrink back in fear.
(In the interest of full honesty, I’m sorry to say there’s times where that’s happened, too. It’s happened less as time has gone on, thankfully.
But how beautiful that even though I’ve wimped out at times in the past, God has faithfully brought me along and continued to grow me.
If that resonates–wonderful! I believe He’s doing the same for you!)
So the neat little paragraph above by and large was the result of that process up there.
The change my husband was making note of?
There have been times, even as I’ve done the whole “submit and obey” where I’ve questioned EVERYTHING all along. (I guess you could say the question and whine part bleeds in a little.)
- Should I?
- Shouldn’t I?
- Is this me?
- Is this God?
- Can I do this?
- Should I do this?
- What if they say yes and I fail?
- What if they say no and now everything’s all weird?
Maybe I just shouldn’t. Well, but probably, I should…
Loop back to the beginning of that tirade, add about 3 million more questions and just keep doing so…
Am I the only one who’s ever felt this way?
I’m gonna back way up.
There’s a scripture passage from 2 Corinthians 6:11-13 in the Message translation.
Dear, dear Corinthians, I can’t tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn’t fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren’t small, but you’re living them in a small way. I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!
I've had that written on notecards and in journals and at the top of my planner and various places for literally years.
Wow when I first saw it.
Wow now.
According to that passage, God wants us to enter a
wide-open
spacious
life.
What would that look like?
What feels that way now?
What feels exactly the opposite of that?
And get this:
I don’t have to wonder what He wants for me
…it’s a wide-open spacious life…
And this is fantastic news because it’s what I want, too. 💃🏻🙌🏻
Back to the passage–and–I take this personally and I’m back to the top:
Dear, dear Mary
(There’s compassion in that address. There's love. This isn’t the voice of someone chewing me out or scolding me.)
Dear, dear you...
Take in that compassion and love. Picture yourself being addressed that way by your Heavenly Father.
❤️🥰🥹
It goes on to say:
The smallness you feel comes from within you.
Your life isn’t small, but you’re living it in a small way.
That first line–I'm not sure about you, but...
I already know the smallness I sometimes feel comes from within me.
(How beautiful God knows how I sometimes feel, too.)
But then the follow-up line:
(Here’s how I say it:)
My life isn’t small. So I refuse to live it in a small way.
It then goes on to say:
I’m speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection.
(That’s my favorite way to be spoken to!)
Open up your life.
Live openly and expansively.
Just wow.
That passage SO speaks to me. I’ve revolved it in my mind. Chewed on it. Written it out over and over. Thought about what it means. And done my best to stand in faith for it.
But it’s BIG.
It will expose any latent unworthiness we might feel.
And will shed an uncomfortable amount of light on our own doubts and misgivings.
But for several months now, I’ve been thinking about that scripture again.
✍🏼 Writing it.
🎤 Saying it.
I live openly and expansively.
And it’s been doing, at times, what God says He will do with His Word.
It’s been correcting me.
As I do what I do for the work that I’m doing…
- Studying and returning regularly to God’s Word.
- Building teachings.
- Living and coaching from the STRONG Framework God gave me.
- Writing my real thoughts.
- Sending the email.
- Talking to the stranger.
- Talking to the person who’s known me before but not seen me in this particular light.
- Proposing my coaching program in new places…
My mind screams at me all the many reasons this is all just dumb and too hard and I should definitely stop.
But remember how I said I’ve been reading, thinking about and saying to myself that above scripture passage?
EVERY TIME THOSE doubts and fears would rear their ugly heads,
THIS would pop into my mind, too:
I live openly and expansively.
Well, huh.
Openly and expansively means I don’t immediately put a lid on something without consideration.
I don’t let “I can’t” go un-checked in my mind.
So I’ve been mulling on that for a couple of weeks, and finally, while on a road trip (I love a solo road trip for quiet time, prayer and just space to think!)
I thought:
Openly and expansively means openly and expansively.
Profound. I know.
- Do I think this will genuinely help? (yes)
- Has it worked in the past? (yes)
- So why wouldn’t I be open and expansive about what I believe we could do together?
So. I suppose I was saying some variation of what I just wrote when my husband said–
“Mare. You’ve changed.”
He’s right.
But not because of me.
It’s really a result of DOING what I coach others to do, too.
It’s all about getting solid on who we are in Christ and who we just are.
And living from THAT.
And for me, at one time, that looked like–
Um…I have this idea…I’m gonna try it…
And I did.
I did it...freaking out.
And with shaky legs and shaky voice and trusting God to help me.
And eventually whatever THAT was became less scary, then more comfortable, and then God gave me something new to tackle. I believe that as we walk with God, we will ALWAYS be in a position of needing His help.
In fact–growing with God doesn't mean I'll get to a place where I don't need His help.
So...
Openly and expansively...
Expansively implies continuous growth, does it not?
It sounds a LOT like Rocking Your Next Chapter to me.
I say, Let's go!
❤️❤️❤️
P.S.
I've pretty much bared my soul here about what shows up for me when I'm stepping out of my comfort zone–the questioning, second-guessing, “I can't,” shrinking back, all of it. But maybe you're reading this thinking, Okay…but where am I doing that?
I've got you. ❤️ That's exactly what my free Stuck Pattern Finder is designed to help you see. It identifies some of the thought patterns that may be quietly keeping you small—and gives you personalized insight + truth from God's Word to help you interrupt them. If you haven't taken it yet, I highly recommend you check it out.
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