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What scares you? 😳😬
I’m not talking about the BIG things that scare everyone like illness, the boogey-man, or the human traffickers that are lurking on every aisle of every Walmart in America if my Instagram feed is to be believed…
I’m actually thinking more about in…life.
Today, I was meeting with some of my coaching alumni and one of my dear members told me she had been a bit surprised (in a good way) by something I’d said.
I’d mentioned being intimidated by the business event I attended last week.
And she basically said:
Mary, I come to you when I’m feeling that way and I use the tools we’ve built together. I think I’d assumed that you don’t get scared.
Oh.
😂
That irony is not lost on me.
I built a coaching program based on what I’ve returned to teaching-wise and knowledge-wise to become progressively more solid in my true identity–who I am in Christ and who I just am.
And living that way is brave and bold and vulnerable because it’s true. 🥰
It started as a me thing.
I knew I felt like a big chicken on the inside and a fake on the outside and I dug into what I now teach to help ME get solid.
But–I believe the goal for all of us is that we fully embody the life God gave us–that we Rock our Next Chapter.
🫥 No playing small.
🫣 No hiding in the back.
🤦🏻♀️ No settling.
Last week, for the THIRD TIME THIS YEAR, I flew to Nashville to put myself in a room with other business owners and submit to leadership that is way smarter than me about how to be effective as a “mission-driven messenger.”
This felt:
SO not comfortable.
I had:
SO MUCH imposter syndrome.
And also:
Way too much awareness of what feels really hard.
And gave myself:
Way too little credit for some pretty great projects I’ve gotten to complete and people I’ve gotten to help.
Here’s the irony, though:
I had to introduce myself about 7 jillion times over the course of two days:
Hi, I’m Mary Thompson. 🙋🏻♀️
I help women who are feeling small, lost, or weird in their own lives recapture their sense of self and direction so they can ROCK their Next Chapter.
We do this by getting solid on who they are in Christ and who they just are.
Living big might have come up.
Being a thermostat and not a thermometer, too.
And even as I was introducing myself I was keenly aware that me being in that room and introducing myself was an example of me needing to
Practice What I Preach.
I’m teaching women to be brave–but I’m not immune from having to LIVE THIS MY OWN SELF.
I did it.
I’m still doing brave things.
I believe we are made for a growing, great life. But the first adjective of that is
GROWING.
Growth doesn’t just happen. We have to develop that as a mindset.
And growth–SO ANNOYINGLY–seems to continue requiring us to do things we haven’t done before.
Which brings me to..
(Cue the bom-bom-BOM music…)
Lessons from the Scary Room
Just go.
Believe me, I flopped around about this quite a bit. And even after I’d booked I second-guessed most everything.
My knee is tweaked.
Is this really the best use of my time?
Do I belong there?
Ask.
One of the great ways they prepare you for any event inside this coaching program is to name what you hope to gain by being there. A great practice for ANYTHING really, but there were multiple round table discussions and master-mind style Q and A's and they were very clear to remind us.
Context is important but keep it brief. You’re not there to talk. You’re there to gain insight from the others in the room. So, give the background, briefly, and then say:
My question is _________.
Then shut up and listen. 🤔
- Why do we resist asking for help?
- Why do we think that putting the puzzle pieces in front of someone is enough to make them start helping us piece things together when we don’t clearly say:
- Could you help me with this puzzle?
Do the thing that’s in your heart.
This ties to the last one.
But…
I had met with my personal coach from the program and we’d worked on what I should ask for.
And it was good.
I even put it through AI and made it clear and concise and actionable.
And the day I got to Nashville, I thought…
That’s not what I really need.
I had an identity-level blockage, and didn’t need that other set of steps just yet.
Would I have realized that was the question had I not gone?
Probably not.
Was the identity-level question–the thing that WAS the actual thing for me right now–harder and scarier to ask a room full of rockstars?
(That’s how I see them, anyway.)
Yes.
Is it ironic to find myself there when I, myself, am a faith and identity coach?
Yes. For sure.
But–the beauty of walking with God is we get to work this stuff out in real time.
He takes us from faith to faith and glory to glory.
Our paths are supposed to grow brighter and brighter.
And we do what seems impossible in and with Him and then it becomes possible and then we get to do the impossible again.
In fact, I’m semi-sorry to have to say:
Growth doesn’t graduate us from discomfort.
Growth changes which things are uncomfortable.
It’s an exciting way to live.
And one more reason I love what I do. The STRONG Framework I built works.
And I teach it from fresh-ness because I’m constantly using its principles myself.
So.
You might be thinking,
Mary, that’s cool and all, but I’m not building a business or sharing a message publicly or leading and coaching women. How does this apply to me?
My question back to you,
What have you been avoiding or not doing?
A scary room is really just any part of our life we’re reluctant to fully engage with because we don’t feel ready, confident or assured of what we’re capable of OR we're just plain wigged out by not knowing how it will turn out.
We all have some version of scary rooms we might have been avoiding...
- Maybe it’s the relationship that’s fraught with tension that has you walking on tiptoes and wondering what to do.
- Maybe it’s the business decision that you’ve been putting off until later when you think you’ll know better.
- Maybe it’s the forgiveness you haven’t been willing to give to a loved one…or yourself.
- The hobby you’ve thought about taking up.
- The potential new friend you’ve thought about asking to lunch.
- The question you’ve been wondering about but been afraid to ask.
- The mirror you hold up to yourself and realize…I’m not sure I even know myself anymore. Who am I?
Sheesh.
That got deep real quick, didn’t it?
I often say when I’m coaching or teaching:
It takes courage to be who you really are.
I think I might also add–it takes courage to envision the you-you-really-are becoming a
new and improved,
more fully integrated version of yourself, too.
In other words, it’s brave to consider new possibilities and living a life from the inside out.
Because there’s probably always going to be another scary room.
- Another conversation.
- Another opportunity.
- Another thing you haven’t done before (or haven’t done in a really long time.)
- Another place where the old version of you isn’t quite enough for where you’re going.
(Do it on your tiptoes–I know that you can!)
I believe that isn’t a problem–
It’s what a growing life looks like.
In fact–it looks a LOT like Rocking Your Next Chapter.
So–what’s your scary room right now?
And what would it look like to go in?
❤️❤️❤️
Mary
P.S. This is actually a pretty good picture of the work I do with women. We get solid on who you are in Christ + who you just are—not so you'll never feel scared or uncertain again, but so you can keep showing up as you when you do. Getting solid on who you are changes how you walk into your life. If you're ready to Rock Your Next Chapter a little more boldly, I'd love to help you. You can start with a free Clarity Call here. ❤️
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