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One of my coaching members is moving!
We hopped on our call on Saturday and she was just beaming. 😁🥰
But also, at times, a little wide-eyed at all that has to be done. 😳📋
And also, at times, a little wide-eyed at all there is to look back on and reconcile. 😳🤔
Plus, moving (in my opinion) is just the worst.
So much hard, physical work to go with the emotional.
As we were talking, I recalled a moment a couple years back when my house was essentially gutted but we were finally re-building. I’d traded my own growing up “kiddos” for a slew of construction workers that would arrive early and bang around downstairs until late for…months and months.
One day I came home and one of the more visible transformations was happening right then.
They were pulling the carpet off of the stairs and starting to tear down the stair railing. The guys looked at me proudly and I kid-you-not, it was all I could do to give them a weak smile and run past them up the stairs and into my office so I could shut the door and just cry.
I’ve always loved that stairway.
Maybe–probably–it’s because when my kids were young and all home, the upstairs was entirely theirs.
🎈 They’d play on the catwalk.
🎮 I’d listen for them in the playroom.
👀 I’d glance up literally every time I walked by and make a quick mental assessment of who was up there and what was likely going on.
🙏🏻 I’d perch at the top of the stairs and pray–
🛏️ After they’d gone to bed.
📚 During the day while they were at school.
And so…as they were pulling up the truly disgusting carpet something hit me and I just felt…sad. 😢
And a little surprised (and silly) for feeling so sad. 🙄
These two stories are right now seeming like a perfect metaphor for life.
And an especially perfect metaphor for life at this time of year. 🦃🍁🎄🎁
Progress requires a lot of us.
And I said this while on my coaching call but it’s been bouncing around in my brain ever since:
My friend who’s saying no to staying in her current home? 🚫🏡
The no we said to keeping our stairway intact and treating it like some historical artifact? 👎🏻
Every no makes other yeses possible.
For YEARS, I’d been told by random people–maybe a friend walking through my house innocently, a re-modeler type person who I brought in to look at something completely different–
I’d been helpfully told that it would make a big difference in the appearance of our house if we would change the railing.
Um…thanks?
I was resistant.
I loved the stairway and didn’t mind that it felt like a 70’s time warp.
And wondered…but what would I do differently?
And then our house flooded.
So…I did some research (which means I asked my sister who’s good at this kind of thing) and she sent me some inspiration photos and I fell in love with a particular stairway design.
I knew what I wanted. 🙌🏻
I was excited for the update. 🥳
And yet found myself crying when the old got ripped away. 😭
Moving forward can mean having to let go of something we genuinely loved, and no matter how excited we are about where we’re going, sometimes the hard part is coming to terms with what we’re leaving behind.
There’s a scripture this story makes me think of:
Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it.
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:12-14, NIV)
I believe this passage tells us exactly how to move forward in a healthy, sane way. Whether we’re making a big life decision or adopting a new health habit or whatever is out ahead we want to move toward.
God made you on purpose for a purpose.
Jesus was sent to redeem your life–and we are here to be salt and light.
You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father. (Matt. 5:14-16)
You are not meant to be on a dimmer switch.
Your calling has not expired.
Yes, you have what it takes.
No, God isn’t through with you yet.
So decide in your heart you will live big and shine bright.
Um…Mary–not to be argumentative, but you just talked about how you ran up to your room so you could HIDE and CRY.
Yes. That’s true.
But–hiding and crying didn’t negate the fact that I’m made on purpose for a purpose.
And the next part of that verse tells me what I have to do in order to fulfill that purpose:
Reconcile the past.
Ah…yes.
I see you past Mary, hiding for a moment upstairs and crying over your dearly departed stairway.
Paul said it this way: Forgetting what lies behind…
Forget there means to “lose out of mind, and by implication to neglect.”
And I wish I could say this next part in all caps.
I think this is where Christians very often get it wrong.
For years, I thought this scripture gave me permission–perhaps even a gold stamp!–to sweep anything I didn’t want to think about under the carpet. 🙈
When I was in high school, I was being stupid and hanging out in the desert with friends. 🌵
Was I allowed to be there?
No.
Did my parents know about it ahead of time?
Again, no.
Did I get in a lot of trouble for it?
Absolutely.
While I was being chewed out for lying and being irresponsible and going somewhere I could have gotten hurt, did I tell anyone about how as a matter of fact, I fell down and got a little banged up and my heel was kind of hurting?
Um, no.
It seemed best to keep that information to myself.
The scrapes and bruises and even my relationship with my mom and dad improved over the next few weeks.
But that heel pain got progressively worse.
But with things in general going better I thought it best I not bring it up and kept limping along–both literally and figuratively.
Finally–two weeks later–I faced it.
I sat down in my room and folded up like a pretzel and looked at that heel.
There was this big black dot. What?
And I started feeling around that source of pain and…
an ocotillo thorn popped out.
Y’all, those are about an inch long and shaped like a slender cone with a very sharp point.
I was trying to forget what had happened and move past it, but “forgetting what lies behind” doesn’t mean to pretend like nothing happened.
We can’t fix what we won’t face.
Remember, forget means to lose out of mind or to neglect.
This is something we do on purpose.
I told you above about my stair-induced crying jag. Until that moment, I had no idea those feelings were even there.
It was a total sneak attack, but those emotions gave me a clue as to what was going on inside my heart.
I wasn’t sad about the actual stairs and certainly not sad about the gross carpet.
There was meaning and memory attached to that part of my home that I hadn’t yet reconciled.
I took some time to acknowledge those feelings and recognize where they were coming from.
And I took some time to be profoundly grateful for the memories attached and for having a home that felt special and a family I’ve loved so dearly through every timeframe and period.
And I even acknowledged and laughed at myself a little that I would be hit so hard by this particular construction phase. Here I’d been rolling with foundation leaks, and walking on concrete and old floor tile glue and any number of displacements and it was gross carpet GOING AWAY that all of a sudden made me lose it?
Here’s the actual thing. I’m going to look at it and examine it so I can reconcile it and then purposely choose to not let it be the thing I’m focusing on in my mind.
Focus on what’s ahead.
While we were talking, my coaching member kept saying:
“My husband and I keep telling each other–let’s remember why we’re doing this. Let’s stay focused on the why.”
And I loved this part:
“We keep imagining what it will look like.”
What a beautiful picture of partnership!
But really?
The focusing forward is the fun part!
- What are the potential yeses that have now become possible?
- What do you want this next chapter to look and feel like?
This is the time to pray about what’s possible!
“Rather, as it is written: “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart has imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him.’ But God has revealed it to us by the Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God…” (1 Corinthians 2:9-10, BSB)
And the Bible says God is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above what we ourselves can ask or think. (Ephesians 3:20)
Don’t limit yourself by not going to God with your future!
Ask Him to show you what you-yourself-personally should be focusing on.
Keep going…with an expectation of winning.
If I’m honest, I really struggled with how to say that.
It sounds so bold up there, in its heading font.
But the scripture it’s based on is bold, too.
It uses some really descriptive, strong verbs…
Forget what’s behind and STRAINING forward to what lies ahead.
I looked up that word from the original Greek and it said it means to stretch oneself forward upon.
I love that. It’s actually a good thing to stretch ourselves.
Cue the whining complaining voice:
But this feels so hard.
Just stop. ✋🛑
It’s okay.
Keep going.
Trust God.
That Philippians passage goes on to say–
“I press toward the goal to win the prize to which God in Christ Jesus is calling us upward.” (AMPC version being quoted here)
And in the prior part–you thought through the possibilities for the future.
You prayed for vision and direction.
You thought through what you want this next chapter to look and feel like.
And here’s where you start moving forward toward whatever that might be.
Yes.
It could be a promotion at work.
A shiny, new object of some sort.
But–it could also be peace in your heart.
Forgiving something from your past that’s held you up.
Reaching out to a loved one.
Following through with that call you’ve been meaning to make.
It even could be not just cleaning, but re-organizing a closet, or re-purposing a room in your house.
For real–what did you think of? What should I add to the list of possibilities?
So—here are the steps to navigate change:
Remember that God made you on purpose for a purpose.
Reconcile the past.
Focus on what’s ahead.
Keep going…with an expectation of winning.
Reconcile the past.
Focus on what’s ahead.
Keep going…with an expectation of winning.
I want to remind you—your calling hasn’t expired, and I believe God has so much more in store for you.
Sending big hugs your way—
Love,
Mary
Mary
P.S. I have something coming up that’s going to help us do ALL of this—specifically for the holidays. It’s called Unpacking Christmas, a free live class on Zoom, and I’m hosting it on my ACTUAL birthday: Tuesday, November 17th, at 6:30 p.m. Mountain. 🎂
It’s a Bible story with strained family dynamics, high-stakes meal prep, and a sister who will NOT get up and help in the kitchen, and it’s going to be amazing.
I’m not sure about you, but I know that walking into the holiday season can leave me feeling frazzled and frustrated and all kinds of overwhelmed and then GUILTY for feeling all those things because of course it’s the most wonderful time of the year and it’s supposed to be magical but that’s a lot of pressure and with all the frazzled, frustrated overwhelm coming at me, I’ve not always felt all that magical.
At all.
What if, instead, you took some time for yourself before all the madness and let me feed your soul from God’s Word? And give you the space and the place to start building your vision for the rest of the year from the inside out?
It would be such a gift if you’d come join me. 👇🏻
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